Are you having problems in your relationship? Do you feel like you’re not getting the things you want, or it’s not living up to your dreams? Many people, find themselves in the same position, unsure of how to “fix” the issues they are experiencing, and they wonder how to change what is happening so that their relationship can become more loving and fulfilling…in some cases they are looking to simply make it work!
In this post, I’ll share some tips on how to gain clarity about what might be going on, so you can move forward in your relationship. So read on and get ready to make some changes!
Relationship problems
If you’re struggling in your relationship, it can be hard to know what to do. It can feel like it does not matter how much you try, you keep getting into arguments and having misunderstandings, one of you gets upset and ends up saying something hurtful, and then you are both defensive and closed down. It does not feel good to be in this place.
But there is always hope! Here are some tips for taking your relationship to a new level, even if it feels like it is faltering.
Communication
It’s important to remember that communication is key. If you’re not communicating with your partner, it’s going to be very difficult to resolve any issues.
Before you take the step to talk about what is going on, make a list of what is bothering you. Perhaps it is an event or something your partner said or did? Whatever it might be, writing it down can help get a different perspective.
Pay special attention to your emotions as you write. Do you feel hurt? Are you blaming your partner?
Make a note of anything that comes up, remember this will only be seen by you.
Once it is all out. Leave it for a few hours or a day.
When you come back to it, ask yourself, are these hurt feelings really about this situation or is it a pattern in your life that you get hurt when ———-? Fill in the blank.
It can be things like “I am not heard”, “I feel not seen”. “I feel I am not good enough”... you know, those nagging negative thoughts that we have inside of us, and we tend not to tell others about, but that come up specially when we are upset or feeling low.
If you find that it is a pattern or a recurring thought, is it possible that it is not about your present situation, but something else that is inside of you from before you entered this relationship?
Think about your childhood, or your teens.
Do you see any signs of having had these sorts of feelings earlier in your life?
If your answer is yes, then there is a good chance that your relationship is not the cause of your discomfort. Instead, it is a trigger of past emotional hurts that have not been addressed.
My story
In my case, I did not fit in, as I looked different to most people I grew up with. This gave me a sense of not being good enough and not being worthy.
I know that this made it difficult for me to have a good relationship with my first husband. It was difficult for me to love him fully, as I did not feel worthy of being loved.
And because I was not aware of this, since it was buried in my subconscious, I was not able to communicate it to him. With 20/20 hindsight, I can see how the issue was not really with him…these unaddressed childhood issues were “dictating” how I related to my husband at the time.
The same could be happening to you right now.
If that is the case, starting by making this list will give you a perspective I did not have.
Once you are clear about where these feelings might be coming from, you may find that your feelings towards your partner change.
Be Open and Share
If you are able to be open, share what you have discovered. It is possible that in doing this, you will open the door for your partner to also share about their own “hidden” feelings.
This could create a more compassionate, intimate emotional relationship between you, if you are able to listen to each other with an open heart.
If you are not able to share, that is not uncommon.
Being vulnerable can be rather scary. Especially since most of us spent our childhoods not being able to even name what we were feeling, let alone share it openly.
As Marc Bracket PhD, Yale says: “we are not given permission to feel” let alone share our feelings openly.
If this is the case, talk to your partner and let them know that you are becoming aware about some emotional issues that are coming up for you. Be clear, sharing that they are from your childhood and that you are taking responsibility for resolving them.
At this point, you can take any number of routes.
Solutions
You can read self-help books, seek counseling, or look for one of the alternative modalities that are now available for creating subconscious changes.
My experience supporting hundreds of people in one on one sessions, is that once these “trapped” emotions are released from the subconscious, a new perspective is created and the perception of the relationship in the present changes with it.
So there is hope for you and your partner yet.
Keep in mind that just becoming aware about unresolved emotional patterns is a HUGE step. Yet making changes, at the subconscious level, is not always easy or fast when we try to do it alone.
If I can be of assistance with this process of releasing these “trapped” emotions and patterns,
get in touch and book a free consultation today.
PS. This is our mission in Life Crafting NOW, to support as many people as possible to become free to live the life they want.
One of the things I love the most about supporting my clients is that we achieve these changes by creating goals of what you would like to see in your life, and then create the changes at a subconscious level.
This sets you free to shift quickly and easily into a more satisfying and fulfilling experience with your partner, as the “blocks” from childhood imprinting are gone and the “sting” that might exist from painful exchanges is neutralized.
It does not have to take hours of going over the situation…it literally can shift in seconds or minutes. If you have any questions, book a free consultation call with me and I will be happy to answer them.